I started my maternity leave on Monday — it’s weird being home during the day. Yesterday I put a massive effort into a client’s website redesign and only stopped because my feet and legs became so swollen. It’s hard to make fluid retention look sexy. I did try to rest and put my feet up but that’s a whole lot easier said then done. By the time my husband arrived home from work, I’d done some laundry, polished all the timber furniture, cleaned the kitchen cupboards and the fridge, made a pavlova and had dinner in the oven. No wonder my feet were so swollen.

My husband made me promise that I would try to relax today so I scheduled a mani/pedi for 9am then met with a friend for coffee (tea for me) at 11am. While waiting for the salon to open, I stopped in at Big W and found the most adorable baby mobile to hang over the cot. It has safari animals on it and plays “It’s a small world”. Of course I bought it, because it’s a perfect match for the nursery and because I am obviously mental. Why did I buy a mobile for a baby that won’t be coming home from the hospital???

Anyway, my toenails are now the most shocking shade of candy floss pink and I am full of tea and hot chocolate. Gillian and I started our catch up with a quick stop at Lindcraft. I bought two knitting pattern books (both baby clothes because, as already mentioned, I am frigging mental) and the press-studs I need for Nicholas’ burial gown. Meeting with Gillian was good but I was a bit miffed that she didn’t ask at all how I am, or about the baby. We’re both in pretty shitty places right now — a month ago she was diagnosed with a brain tumour and underwent surgery to remove it. She’s now having radiotherapy and chemotherapy but ultimately has a 25% chance of being alive in 18 months and 10% in 24 months. I understand that what she is going through is horrible and harsh and completely unfair; it just would’ve been nice if she could’ve asked me how I am, you know?

I have a hospital appointment this afternoon and came home to have a quick lunch and write this update. And now I have something else to mention. I’ve just started spotting. It’s super super light (two tiny bright pink spots on a liner, but nothing on the toilet paper) and I have absolutely no pain or cramping and I can feel some light movements from the baby. Egads. I am really not ready for this to be over. I phoned my husband at work earlier and he was telling me that it’s horrendously busy there so I won’t bug him with this new development. I’ll just go to my appointment and see what the midwife makes of it all.

Wish me luck.

__________

Edited to add:

I’m home from the hospital.  I saw both the midwife and the obstetrician; neither were impressed by my tiny two blood spots and neither think I’ll be going into labour before my due date.  This week the baby is measuring a perfect 37 weeks so the chunky monkey has bulked up a little since last his last measure.  He hasn’t dropped at all which explains the dreadful reflux I’ve been having – my stomach is basically somewhere over my left shoulder!

This is what my husband brought home for me today.  He said it was just because he loves me and he wanted to bring me some joy in a week that has been so horrible for us.  I love you Klaus xx

I’ve been feeling a bit down this week for a variety of reasons; impending first anniversary of losing Max, last week’s shitty nuchal translucency results and the arrival of a new nephew that I can’t quite bring myself to go and see.  I feel like a bitch for keeping away but I can’t help it.  Had a big cry this morning for no real reason except that “life is unfair, etc.”.  I’m so lame sometimes.  After the dodgy test results, the obstetrician at the ultrasound centre told me that if the baby’s heart rate had been lower, we’d have fallen into the low risk category and I was happy with this because I firmly believed that my asthma medications were to blame for elevating the heart rate.  After a couple of conversations with my other medical professionals (read: them pushing me to make an appointment for CVS), I refused any further invasive testing and they essentially agreed to allow me to wait until the 18 week ultrasound to check for signs of trisomy 13 birth defects.  I was thinking about this early in the week and wondered if my refusal of further testing was actually an informed decision or whether I was just acting out of emotion.  I contacted the geneticist I saw last year after losing Max and she made an appointment to see me right away.  She explained the results to me and pointed out that while it’s completely true that Ventolin does cross the placenta and does increase fetal heart rate, the problem wasn’t just with the baby’s heart rate but also with the free beta-HCG MoM level being lower than normal range and this in combination with the FHR was what put us in the high risk category for trisomy 13.  Her advice was “this pregnancy is precious” and that we “definitely should not risk having the CVS test” and that she would far prefer that we “wait until the 18 week ultrasound and only consent to having the amniocentesis if the obstetrician finds something dreadful that justifies the invasive test”.  I am so glad I saw her about this because she made me feel that I had made the right decision in refusing the CVS and at least now when my other doctors push me again to have further testing, I can show that I’ve made an informed decision rather than an emotional one.

While I was on sick leave last week (back when I falsely believed that the only issue with the NT test results was an elevated fetal heart rate), I got online and ordered a fetal heart doppler.  I figured that if I could measure the baby’s heart rate and see for myself that it wasn’t consistently higher than normal, then I’d feel a whole lot better about this baby.  So my doppler arrived yesterday and we very excitedly put in the new batteries and squeezed the gloopy gel on my belly.  Well… the doppler is nothing but short of brilliant at picking up my own heart beat but so far the baby’s heart beat has remained completely elusive.  My very clever husband worked out that it’s probably the placenta (hence my heart beat) sitting in the way and when I pulled out copies of all of the many ultrasound reports we’ve had, sure enough, one of them reported that the placenta was anterior.  So now I’m just waiting until things grow a bit more and hopefully the placenta moves out of the way.

I bought something else while I was home sick and it also arrived on Saturday.  It’s vinyl lettering for the nursery wall and it will go above the cot (I ordered a dark brown lettering to match the safari browns and greens I’ve got going on).  Cute, no?  :)

The last time I buzzed by the Clinique counter, I received a few freebies and in one of the little packs was a pot of “All About Eyes” eye cream. I have to say, this eye cream is BRILLIANT.  I noticed a difference within just a few days of using it and after two weeks, the dark circles I’ve been wearing since losing Max have almost completely vanished.  I couldn’t risk running out of this magic potion so I revisited the Clinique counter today and picked up a pot of the eye cream and an exfoliant that I’ve been coveting for a little while. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love a gift-with-purchase offer.  And more so if it is a Clinique gift-with-purchase.  This is what they gave me today:

I doubt that I’ll use the lip gloss or the eyeshadows in the compact but I’ll definitely use everything else. I especially love the little tube of sunblock. That’s going straight into my handbag.

• Piano lessons are going very well so I bought myself a little treat:
• I have had a very productive week as far as knitting goes. I’ve finished the lacy pink and black scarf and a pair of uber cute black Converse Chuck Taylor booties. I’m keen to cast on again but I have no idea what to make next. I’m seriously considering knitting baby items to sell since learning that one of the knitted soakers I made for a friend’s baby fetched over $30 on ebay. And that was as a second-hand item! Not bad for $4 worth of wool and a couple of hours in front of the tv. My thought is that I’m going to knit anyway, I might as well make a little money doing it. And it could provide a nice little income when (if) I’m (ever) at home with a baby.
• Uni starts up again on Monday and I’m quite excited about it. I’ll be taking Commercial Law first up, which looks pretty interesting. Best of all, unlike previous law texts, the textbook isn’t massive; it will actually fit into my regular handbag so I won’t have to carry a separate bag around with me.
• Work was better this week. I have another assistant and she is awesome. The first assistant they gave me came from the temporary staffing pool was relieved from her position after being one hour late on five consecutive days, calling in sick on her sixth day, late again on day seven, then failing to show up or call in on the day eight. Assistant V2.0 is enthusiastic, intelligent, proactive and professional. She’s also wickedly funny and makes an excellent cup of tea.
• Gossip from the ‘hood: A couple of days ago my Korean neighbour side-swiped my other neighbour’s late model green car with their little white shitbox. They exchanged a good amount of paint and did a substantial amount of damage then DROVE OFF! Today they parked their shitbox on the street again but didn’t even attempt to hide the green paint on their own car. She confronted the neighbours but they pulled the “sorry no english” thing, just as they did when I confronted them about flicking cigarette butts onto our lawn. Needless to say, she has taken plenty of photos and involved the police. Ahh, it’s all good in the hood.
• Today my sister and I bought a fabulous variety of birthday presents for our very spoilt and completely gorgeous niece. She turns one tomorrow. Where does the time go?
• While exerting an incredible amount of self-control, I was able to walk straight past the huge Easter egg display at Big W today without pushing my thumb through any of the eggs. I did, however, attempt to hurt a Terry’s Chocolate Orange as part of my personal protest against the combining of hated fake ORANGE flavouring with much loved CHOCOLATE, only to be informed by my sister that said Terry’s Chocolate Orange is actually solid not hollow, and therefore impervious to my thumb. The force is strong with this one.
• I really don’t like my new Remington electric razor. My old one was great but this one is so rough on my skin. Damn you Remington *shakes fist*
• Max’s due date was last Friday. I had really hoped to be pregnant again by now but it obviously wasn’t meant to be. I’m getting really tired of all the deliberate glances towards my belly. Fortunately I’ve managed to lose all the baby weight plus one kilo so there’s nothing to see.

As previously threatened, I finally made it to the Clinique counter today. The only woman working in that section was quick to explain that she didn’t know much about the Clinique products because she was actually a Clarins consultant. Regardless, I knew what I wanted and found my favourite cleanser and moisturiser easily. As we reached the register, I asked if there were any gifts-with-purchase available. She said she knew they had a tote bag available but only if you bought two or more sun products and promptly pulled one off the nearby stand. She said she would check to see what else they were hiding under the counter and returned with a mini bottle of perfume, a toiletries bag containing product samples and another pack of product samples. I expected her to let me pick one but instead she gave me the whole lot with a laugh, a shrug, and a quip about the Clinique consultants not being there to stop her. Ha!

I’ve been at it again…

And my new favourite: it’s a yummy vintage necklace with a rather large burgundy coloured stone set into an art nouveau pendant. Very neo-Victorian. Love it!

In addition to the butterfly necklace that arrived today, I also received a little bonus from one of my favourite department stores. Apparently I’d clocked up 2000 points on that store’s reward program so they sent me a $20 gift card. I have other gift cards for the same store which are starting to burn a hole in my pocket. Can you hear that?? I’m pretty sure it’s the Clinique counter calling my name!

The girl’s been shopping again. Behold my gorgeous witchy-bracelet. Love it!

As previously mentioned, my Twilight loot arrived a couple of days ago and I’ve finally taken a photo.  Special uber-thanks to Cora who let me send the Cullen crest loot via her address because Amazon wouldn’t ship it outside of the US.  As much as I love Amazon, sometimes they can be a bunch of ass-hats.

I wore Rosalie’s pendant last night, it’s on a double-chain and is very large and heavy but totally awesome!  The summer swelter has taken a break and the temps have dropped down to 23C – just cool enough to rock the 3/4 sleeve baseball shirt.  Viva la vampire baseball!

And speaking of vampire baseball, I maybe created Miis for all of the Cullens on the Nintendo Wii. Playing baseball as Jasper has never been so much fun, though he’s actually not very good at it. Maybe my Wii is broken?  Heh.  I also maybe squealed a little when Mii-Edward and Mii-Emmett who were both fielding, ran for the same catch and missed.  Teehee!