I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t deserve your recognition.

I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.

I wish that you could talk about my baby. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven’t forgotten and that you do care and understand.

I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him or her.

I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby has died and that you are thinking of me. It would tell me you care.

I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but there is so much more to him.

I wish you wouldn’t pretend that my baby never existed.

I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. Grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m “over it” or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. There is no “normal” way for me to act.

I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and it makes me feel as though it was is my fault.

I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be “over and done with” in a few months, or years. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be “over” this.

I wish you wouldn’t think that my baby wasn’t really a baby. The truth is my baby was a human life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby’s heartbeat. My baby was a real person.

My baby’s due date, Mothers Day, the day my baby died and the day I lost my baby are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me that you are thinking of me on these days.

I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ”normal” you will be waiting forever. I am a different person now. Please try to get to know the new me – maybe you’ll even like me.

I wish you wouldn’t tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace this baby. Babies aren’t interchangeable. Besides, you do not know whether we have fertility problems too.

I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it’s not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is sometimes uncomfortable for me.

I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say “next time things will be okay”. The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again? How do you know I want a “next time”.

Something happened to the memory card in my digital camera, in that it wasn’t recognising the card. Unfortunately I had a little brain fart when I bought a replacement. I somehow came home with an SD card instead of an XD card. So the husband scored a new 4GB SD card for his camera. When I explained what I was trying to achieve, he asked to see my camera and within mere minutes he had it fixed and working again. Thank you Mr Fixit. And so, in honour of having a working digital camera again, I’ve snapped off a bunch of photos to properly document my day.

This morning I had another sleep in, then we met the inlaws for lunch. Then we came home again and I put on an Austen DVD and did a little studying.

I finished the chapter on Bills of Exchange, boring, then baked a double layer sponge cake for the husband.

While the cakes were cooling, I got comfy on the couch with a cup of tea and my latest knitting project.

Don’t you just love these stitch markers? I found them on etsy a while back. Love them!

Having reached a good spot in the pattern to take a break, I played through my scales a bunch of times.

Then it was time to fill the cake with jam and cream, and call the husband in for a break.

The end :)

The last time I buzzed by the Clinique counter, I received a few freebies and in one of the little packs was a pot of “All About Eyes” eye cream. I have to say, this eye cream is BRILLIANT.  I noticed a difference within just a few days of using it and after two weeks, the dark circles I’ve been wearing since losing Max have almost completely vanished.  I couldn’t risk running out of this magic potion so I revisited the Clinique counter today and picked up a pot of the eye cream and an exfoliant that I’ve been coveting for a little while. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love a gift-with-purchase offer.  And more so if it is a Clinique gift-with-purchase.  This is what they gave me today:

I doubt that I’ll use the lip gloss or the eyeshadows in the compact but I’ll definitely use everything else. I especially love the little tube of sunblock. That’s going straight into my handbag.

Sometimes I knit for charity, though not as often as I should. Mostly it’s been things to donate to the various volunteers of the hospital where I work, or to the birthing unit where my son was born.  This year I signed up for Knit one, give one (KOGO) which is a group that knit scarves and beanies for various charitable organisations in Victoria.  My yarn stash arrived yesterday and I very excitedly ripped into the bag to discover what yummy yarns they sent. Last year it was lovely pink and purple balls of soft 100% Australian merino yarn.  This year it is yellow, burgundy and light blue 100% acrylic Carnival crap yarn.  I cast on four times last night in an attempt to make a scarf but the yarn is really scratchy and stiff, and by the time I reached the fifth row, the stitches were too tight. Ugh! Acrylic! At least it was made in Australia.  My sister-in-law is also doing KOGO this year and she received her stash on Friday. They also sent her some Carnival yarn but her lot is all 100% wool. Boo!

I’ve decided to use some yummy yarn from my stash instead and I’ll return the acrylic with a little note.

Edit: The delightful Ms Zane asked (via Twitter) about photos of knitting. This prodded me to add thumbnails to my Ravelry progress bars which are way down there *points* on the lower left side of the screen. However, I’m a little behind on adding photos of my current WIPs because the compact flash card in my camera died. Boo! I have one of those digital cameras that uses both CF and XD cards but the XD card I have is ridiculously small (16MB!). I’ll buy a new card this week (if I can get out of the office at all) and should be posting WIP photos again soon.